Thursday, December 23, 2010

Even I'm Sick of Me

I fear I am becoming the kind of person that I hate.
A kind of person who has nothing interesting to talk about, who seemingly has no purpose in life, and who is just down right boring.
I like to joke and say that I'm an incredibly boring person, but deep down I don't really believe that.. However, I'm starting to think that that's what other people believe about me.
It's gotten to the point where I dread being asked "What have you been up to?" or "Anything new lately?".  I really don't have an answer to those questions anymore.  Ha, I almost just want to get a cat or another dog or something just so I can say, "Hey look!  Something new in my life that's interesting!  Wanna talk about it?"
Lately, I just haven't been able to motivate myself to do much other than clean and cook.  I keep telling myself that It's just a phase that I'm dealing with, that I'm still getting "settled" into my new home and I still need to figure out a routine.  I have been here for over a month now, and I'm starting to wonder how long it will take me to get "settled in"?
It's almost like, I am afraid to just spread my stuff out and start sewing, and scrapbooking, painting, and making jewelry again because then I will have to clean it up.  I can't just leave the mess out in the middle of the living room floor, because it stresses Carson out to come home to a really messy house, and it eventually stresses me out as well.  However, to have to take everything out and put it all back away every day is just tiring.  It's basically adding another chore to the list of things I already do every day in this house.  Then the hobby becomes a chore instead of fun.
I'm stuck in a rut.  What I really need is a room to myself for my crafts.  Where I can spread it all out and leave it for as long as the project takes and no one else has to stress about seeing it.

This picture sums up a part of my life I quite often find myself missing.... Most would say that I need to go back to school, then and start over, trying again and whatnot.. I disagree.  I'm not the same person I was two years ago, and quite frankly I don't want to go back.  I just miss it sometimes.  And being in a transitional period of my life, where I'm not exactly moving forward makes it tempting to take a few steps back to be anywhere but here.  It's hard to fight.
I don't know, I'm just rambling now.

2 comments:

  1. Hey lovely been reading the back log to get myself caught up...You will not believe how real this was for me too right after getting married. Matthew & I are polar opposites and I had a huge time adjusting...You are not alone. Am thinking about you- and as far as I remember you are far from boring!

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  2. Aw, thank you, lady. It does help to know that someone else has gone through this. I am normal after all! haha.
    A lot of the way I feel right now, I think comes from my lack of confidence and my irrational fears. I am slowly starting to motivate myself to work on it..
    :)

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