Tuesday, May 31, 2011

Temporary Blog

If you are interested in following my journey in my separation and in discovering myself, then you can follow my (hopefully) temporary blog at the address listed above.  If the worst happens and we never get back together, then I will be posting on that blog from now on.  There is no point to keep up with this married blog while all this is going on.
Also don't forget about my creative blog:
Follow me there if you would like to see the creative side of my life.
Thank you faithful followers for your support.

Monday, May 30, 2011

Temporary Arrangement?

Just a quick update..
Carson and I are in a trial separation... It will last at least a month and depending on how we feel after then it could go one of three ways.
We could either both agree to continue the separation for a few more weeks or months until we reach a conclusion; we could potentially get back together and continue the marriage - however for that to happen there would need to be some MAJOR changes that just don't seem to be happening any time soon, nor does he feel he has any reason to change these things; or he can file for divorce.. I refuse to do it, I don't want a divorce, I never did. The separation was my idea as a last resort to try and save the marriage.  Had I not suggested it, I truly believe he would have gone ahead and filed for divorce immediately.
Things haven't been going well for a while now, but recently hurtful words have been said that just were the last straw.  It is clear there is nothing left in him to love me and I just need to accept that and pray that either God will change him and bring a miracle to this marriage (if it is His will), or he give me the strength to move on and start a new life.

I am currently staying temporarily at my mom's for the separation and in the end will either be moving back in with my (still) husband, or mom and I will transfer into a two bedroom at her apartment complex and I will hopefully have a little more insight as to where my life is heading at that point and can make arrangements accordingly.

Those of you who still read this, please pray for me and us.  I still do want this to work out more than anything, but I also will not be weak and just allow myself to be mistreated either..
Thank you.

Tuesday, May 10, 2011

Defend the Faith

Awesome video.  Christian discussion with Mormons.
I wish I could find an extended version, I would have liked to hear the rest of the conversation.  This is a ministry that I have always been interested in, reaching Mormons, Jehovah's Witnesses, and Occultists, etc..

Hope on the Horizon

All I can say right now is thank goodness for Thomas (and for God, first of course).  Carson's boss and best friend came over last night to talk to both of us about what is going on in our marriage.. He gave some really really good advice and I think he's probably the best person to explain things to Carson.. A lot of what he had said was stuff that I have already told Carson over and over and over again, and stuff the Pastor at our church has told him, but for some reason Thomas knows how to explain it in Carson-speech or something and he seems to understand it.  It still came down to and ultimate choice by Carson to either throw in the towel or keep this train rolling.. All this meeting did was reassure him that our marriage was normal and that all marriage is going to absolutely suck at times, it's all just a matter of doing the loving things anyway, even if you don't feel like it.. even if we're in a down time of total suckage, we still have to do nice things for each other because we made the commitment, and then after we do those nice things and make those sacrifices, we are reminded that we love that person.
Anyway, long story short, he chose to stay last night and work through this. I'm still skeptical that his decision wont change one day when things aren't going too great... but I am giving him the benefit of the doubt this time and I'm not going anywhere either.
Thank you thank you those of you who prayed for us.  I truly believe that Thomas doesn't get all the credit. lol.  God put it in Carson's heart to text Thomas last night, God put it in Thomas's heart to want to come and help, and God helped Carson make that (albeit slow) move to stay.
Thank you, Thank you, Jesus! For giving us another chance at this. :)
Things aren't back to normal yet.. it will take time, probably weeks before we all feel better and actually see the benefits of sticking this out.. but I have always thought it would be worth it eventually.

Saturday, May 7, 2011

Trouble In Paradise

So...There is definitely trouble in paradise..
Actually, there has been for some time now.  I wont go into all the details as it is personal and would probably make for a horribly long post.. but I will ask that those of you reading this please please pray for my marriage.  It seems to be completely falling apart at the seams and it's only been 6 months!  :(  All I can really say is that I have tried a million things to fix it and make it work, but he refuses to reciprocate.  I am afraid that he just doesn't want to be with me anymore and I can't imagine what I must have done to screw things up. :(
Please please pray for us.
Thank you,

Friday, May 6, 2011

9/11 False Flag

Top US Government Insider: Bin Laden Died In 2001, 9/11 A False Flag

Former Deputy Assistant Secretary of State under three different administrations Steve R. Pieczenik says he is prepared to tell a federal grand jury the name of a top general who told him directly 9/11 was a false flag attack
Top US Government Insider: Bin Laden Died In 2001, 9/11 A False Flag 040511top

Paul Joseph Watson
Prison Planet.com
Wednesday, May 4, 2011

Top US government insider Dr. Steve R. Pieczenik, a man who held numerous different influential positions under three different Presidents and still works with the Defense Department, shockingly told The Alex Jones Show yesterday that Osama Bin Laden died in 2001 and that he was prepared to testify in front of a grand jury how a top general told him directly that 9/11 was a false flag inside job.

Pieczenik cannot be dismissed as a “conspiracy theorist”. He served as the Deputy Assistant Secretary of State under three different administrations, Nixon, Ford and Carter, while also working under Reagan and Bush senior, and still works as a consultant for the Department of Defense. A former US Navy Captain, Pieczenik achieved two prestigious Harry C. Solomon Awards at the Harvard Medical School as he simultaneously completed a PhD at MIT.

Recruited by Lawrence Eagleburger as Deputy Assistant Secretary of State for Management, Pieczenik went on to develop, “the basic tenets for psychological warfare, counter terrorism, strategy and tactics for transcultural negotiations for the US State Department, military and intelligence communities and other agencies of the US Government,” while also developing foundational strategies for hostage rescue that were later employed around the world.

Pieczenik also served as a senior policy planner under Secretaries Henry Kissinger, Cyrus Vance, George Schultz and James Baker and worked on George W. Bush’s election campaign against Al Gore. His record underscores the fact that he is one of the most deeply connected men in intelligence circles over the past three decades plus.
The character of Jack Ryan, who appears in many Tom Clancy novels and was also played by Harrison Ford in the popular 1992 movie Patriot Games, is also based on Steve Pieczenik.

Back in April 2002, over nine years ago, Pieczenik told the Alex Jones Show that Bin Laden had already been “dead for months,” and that the government was waiting for the most politically expedient time to roll out his corpse. Pieczenik would be in a position to know, having personally met Bin Laden and worked with him during the proxy war against the Soviets in Afghanistan back in the early 80′s.
Pieczenik said that Osama Bin Laden died in 2001, “Not because special forces had killed him, but because as a physician I had known that the CIA physicians had treated him and it was on the intelligence roster that he had marfan syndrome,” adding that the US government knew Bin Laden was dead before they invaded Afghanistan.

Marfan syndrome is a degenerative genetic disease for which there is no permanent cure. The illness severely shortens the life span of the sufferer.

“He died of marfan syndrome, Bush junior knew about it, the intelligence community knew about it,” said Pieczenik, noting how CIA physicians had visited Bin Laden in July 2001 at the American Hospital in Dubai.

“He was already very sick from marfan syndrome and he was already dying, so nobody had to kill him,” added Pieczenik, stating that Bin Laden died shortly after 9/11 in his Tora Bora cave complex.

“Did the intelligence community or the CIA doctor up this situation, the answer is yes, categorically yes,” said Pieczenik, referring to Sunday’s claim that Bin Laden was killed at his compound in Pakistan, adding, “This whole scenario where you see a bunch of people sitting there looking at a screen and they look as if they’re intense, that’s nonsense,” referring to the images released by the White House which claim to show Biden, Obama and Hillary Clinton watching the operation to kill Bin Laden live on a television screen.

“It’s a total make-up, make believe, we’re in an American theater of the absurd….why are we doing this again….nine years ago this man was already dead….why does the government repeatedly have to lie to the American people,” asked Pieczenik.

“Osama Bin Laden was totally dead, so there’s no way they could have attacked or confronted or killed Osama Bin laden,” said Pieczenik, joking that the only way it could have happened was if special forces had attacked a mortuary.

Pieczenik said that the decision to launch the hoax now was made because Obama had reached a low with plummeting approval ratings and the fact that the birther issue was blowing up in his face.
“He had to prove that he was more than American….he had to be aggressive,” said Pieczenik, adding that the farce was also a way of isolating Pakistan as a retaliation for intense opposition to the Predator drone program, which has killed hundreds of Pakistanis.

“This is orchestrated, I mean when you have people sitting around and watching a sitcom, basically the operations center of the White House, and you have a president coming out almost zombie-like telling you they just killed Osama Bin Laden who was already dead nine years ago,” said Pieczenik, calling the episode, “the greatest falsehood I’ve ever heard, I mean it was absurd.”

Dismissing the government’s account of the assassination of Bin Laden as a “sick joke” on the American people, Pieczenik said, “They are so desperate to make Obama viable, to negate the fact that he may not have been born here, any questions about his background, any irregularities about his background, to make him look assertive….to re-elect this president so the American public can be duped once again.”
Pieczenik’s assertion that Bin Laden died almost ten years ago is echoed by numerous intelligence professionals as well as heads of state across the world.

Bin Laden, “Was used in the same way that 9/11 was used to mobilize the emotions and feelings of the American people in order to go to a war that had to be justified through a narrative that Bush junior created and Cheney created about the world of terrorism,” stated Pieczenik.
During his interview with the Alex Jones Show yesterday, Pieczenik also asserted he was directly told by a prominent general that 9/11 was a stand down and a false flag operation, and that he is prepared to go to a grand jury to reveal the general’s name.

“They ran the attacks,” said Pieczenik, naming Dick Cheney, Paul Wolfowitz, Stephen Hadley, Elliott Abrams, and Condoleezza Rice amongst others as having been directly involved.

“It was called a stand down, a false flag operation in order to mobilize the American public under false pretenses….it was told to me even by the general on the staff of Wolfowitz – I will go in front of a federal committee and swear on perjury who the name was of the individual so that we can break it open,” said Pieczenik, adding that he was “furious” and “knew it had happened”.

“I taught stand down and false flag operations at the national war college, I’ve taught it with all my operatives so I knew exactly what was done to the American public,” he added.

Pieczenik re-iterated that he was perfectly willing to reveal the name of the general who told him 9/11 was an inside job in a federal court, “so that we can unravel this thing legally, not with the stupid 9/11 Commission that was absurd.”

Pieczenik explained that he was not a liberal, a conservative or a tea party member, merely an American who is deeply concerned about the direction in which his country is heading.

Paul Joseph Watson is the editor and writer for Prison Planet.com. He is the author of Order Out Of Chaos. Watson is also a regular fill-in host for The Alex Jones Show. 

Article can also be found on Infowars.com
Christians for 9/11 Truth
^^Check out this awesome organization. Just stumbled across it recently... I'm so glad people are coming together to seek the truth and not just accept what the mainstream media has told them.


Monday, May 2, 2011

Osama bin Laden Pronouced Dead... For the Ninth Time

Read with an open mind... Not saying I believe everything on this website, however you can't turn a blind eye to everything just because your government tells you to...
Copy Pasted the article below for those who don't want to click the link.

Osama Bin Laden Pronounced Dead… For the Ninth Time

James Corbett
The Corbett Report
May 2, 2011

When Obama pronounced Osama Bin Laden dead in a televised announcement heard round the world last night, he was at least the ninth major head of state or high-ranking government official to have done so.

Given Bin Laden’s documented kidney problems and consequent need for dialysis, government officials, heads of state and counterterrorism experts have repeatedly opined that Osama Bin Laden has in fact been dead for some time. These assertions are based on Bin Laden’s failing health in late 2001 and visible signs of his deteriorating condition, as well as actual reports of his death from the same time frame.

In July of 2001, Osama Bin Laden was flown to the American Hospital in Dubai for kidney treatment. According to French intelligence sources, he was there met by the local CIA attache. When the agent bragged about his encounter to friends later, he was promptly recalled to Washington.

On the eve of September 11, Osama Bin Laden was staying in a Pakistani military hospital under the watchful eye of Pakistan’s ISI, the Pakistani equivalent of the CIA with deep ties to the American intelligence community.

In October 2001, Bin Laden appeared in a videotape wearing army fatigues and Islamic headdress, looking visibly pale and gaunt. In December of 2001, another videotape was released, this time showing a seriously ill Bin Laden who was seemingly unable to move his left arm.

Then on December 26, 2001, Fox News reported on a Pakistan Observer story that the Afghan Taliban had officially pronounced Osama Bin Laden dead earlier that month. According to the report, he was buried less than 24 hours later in an unmarked grave in accordance with Wahabbist Sunni practices.

What followed was a string of pronouncements from officials affirming what was already obvious: supposedly living in caves and bunkers in the mountainous pass between Afghanistan and Pakistan, Osama would have been deprived of the dialysis equipment that he required to live.

On January 18, 2002, Pakistani President Pervez Musharraf announced quite bluntly: “I think now, frankly, he is dead.”

On July 17, 2002, the then-head of counterterrorism at the FBI, Dale Watson, told a conference of law enforcement officials that “I personally think he [Bin Laden] is probably not with us anymore,” before carefully adding that “I have no evidence to support that.”

In October 2002, Afghan President Hamid Karzai told CNN that “I would come to believe that [Bin Laden] probably is dead.”

In November 2005, Senator Harry Reid revealed that he was told Osama may have died in the Pakistani earthquake of October that year.

In September 2006, French intelligence leaked a report suggesting Osama had died in Pakistan.

On November 2, 2007, former Pakistani Prime Minister Benazir Bhutto told Al-Jazeera’s David Frost that Omar Sheikh had killed Osama Bin Laden.

In March 2009, former US foreign intelligence officer and professor of international relations at Boston University Angelo Codevilla stated: “All the evidence suggests Elvis Presley is more alive today than Osama Bin Laden.”

In May 2009, Pakistani President Asif Ali Zardari confirmed that his “counterparts in the American intelligence agencies” hadn’t heard anything from Bin Laden in seven years and confirmed “I don’t think he’s alive.”

Now in 2011, President Obama has added himself to the mix of people in positions of authority who have pronounced Osama Bin Laden dead. Some might charge that none of the previous reports had any credibility, but as it is now emerging that Osama’s body was buried at sea less than 12 hours after his death with no opportunity for any independent corroboration of his identity, the same question of credibility has to be leveled at this latest charge. To this point, the only evidence we have been provided that Osama Bin Laden was killed yesterday are some images on tv of a burning compound and the word of the man currently occupying the oval office.

But given that an informed consensus has formed around the opinion that Bin Laden died long ago due to kidney failure, will the people of America hold their President to the highest standard in presenting evidence that the person killed was actually Osama Bin Laden, and that he actually died in the way described, or will this pronouncement go unquestioned like so many other deaths in the never ending war of terror?

Stay tuned for more on this story as it develops…

Sunday, May 1, 2011

One of Those Nights

Well, it's one of those nights again...
Where I can't seem to fall asleep, or at least calm my brain enough to lay peacefully in bed at all.  Quite a few things have happened this week to disturb my mind back into a place I have worked very hard to crawl out of. First of all, the death of David Wilkerson, now the death of Osama bin Ladin, death just seems to be the topic of the week... Not to mention this week has been the absolute worst for my marriage.  We have been having some troubles for a while now, but it all seemed to come to a head this week.. In church today the pastor spoke about crying out to God for help in impossible situations, and how no matter how difficult the situation if you cry for help God will answer you.  It was a very good sermon and it really spoke to me and hit home, but now I just can't shake this overwhelming fear and disturbance in my peace tonight.

In the past year or so I have had a rather unusual issue of thinking pretty much every day about death and dying and how all of us, no matter who you are, are going to face a tragedy of some kind and die.  Even knowing what comes afterward, I still for some reason am incredibly unsettled about this fact.  It's something that really pulls at me from the inside and I am just no ok with it.  I will lose sleep over it, and not eat over it, it's a terrible feeling of helplessness and hopelessness.  When I told Carson about this a long time ago, he replied with, "of course you're not ok with death, people were not designed to die originally. Death is not what we were made for, it's a foreign experience to us brought on by our own original sin."  And that makes perfect since to me, and I appreciate him telling me my feelings are normal, however it still doesn't make me feel any better about it all. It makes me angry and sad and confused and frustrated. Most people would say that if death is inevitable and you know it's going to happen anyway no matter what, then what's the point of worrying about it.. The thing is, it's not the ending of life in this world that I'm worried about so much, I know what comes after this life and I am not afraid of it.. what does set right with me is death itself, the process and the pain of our bodies being overcome by whatever it is that will take our lives... That's what I just can't seem to get out of my mind and what I just can't bring myself to accept as something that just HAS to happen...

I know I probably sound like a crazy person rambling on and on about something so morbid.. but it's a morbid night for me for some reason.. I had trouble falling back asleep last night when I was awoken randomly at 4 am and now tonight I can't get myself to go to sleep to begin with...
I really do hate when this happens.  It is the worst feeling.