Monday, May 30, 2011

Temporary Arrangement?

Just a quick update..
Carson and I are in a trial separation... It will last at least a month and depending on how we feel after then it could go one of three ways.
We could either both agree to continue the separation for a few more weeks or months until we reach a conclusion; we could potentially get back together and continue the marriage - however for that to happen there would need to be some MAJOR changes that just don't seem to be happening any time soon, nor does he feel he has any reason to change these things; or he can file for divorce.. I refuse to do it, I don't want a divorce, I never did. The separation was my idea as a last resort to try and save the marriage.  Had I not suggested it, I truly believe he would have gone ahead and filed for divorce immediately.
Things haven't been going well for a while now, but recently hurtful words have been said that just were the last straw.  It is clear there is nothing left in him to love me and I just need to accept that and pray that either God will change him and bring a miracle to this marriage (if it is His will), or he give me the strength to move on and start a new life.

I am currently staying temporarily at my mom's for the separation and in the end will either be moving back in with my (still) husband, or mom and I will transfer into a two bedroom at her apartment complex and I will hopefully have a little more insight as to where my life is heading at that point and can make arrangements accordingly.

Those of you who still read this, please pray for me and us.  I still do want this to work out more than anything, but I also will not be weak and just allow myself to be mistreated either..
Thank you.

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